makingithome.org

I started writing this in June of this year.  Since, we have moved again (back to Alabama) and things have just gotten off schedule. As I was looking at a “2011 Most Powerful Photos” (http://http://tinyurl.com/88spa4t), I decided that I had to finish.

June 3, 2011: The recent natural disasters around the world have been distressing to say the least. My heart ached as I watched coverage of the events in Japan.  I was personally affected by the sites and experiences my friends and family members were enduring in Alabama.  The tornado damage in Joplin, MO is so
destructive.  These events have triggered a memory of my own personal experience of living through (literally) a tornado.  Although I do not remember much from that night, I do have pictures, articles and family members who will never forget.  I do remember our family friend and my father carrying us out of the rubble to get to a safe place and the contributions and gifts from people afterwards.  As I have started writing “Making it Home”, I could not keep my experience off the paper.

“It Happened to Me” was the title of the article written in the Volume X No. 9 edition of TheLamp, a publication by State Farm Insurance dated May 5, 1978.  The tag line was “Mid-South family lives through tornado.  This article was about
my family and “through” was quite literally true.

In 1978, we lived in Greenville, MS. Our house was on Lake Furguson, a watershed of the Mississippi River.  This was a place of magical existence for a child  – playing, riding bikes, cotton fields and fishing at any time.  An  occasional snake in the house during flood season never dampened the joy we  found in this great community.  It was what HOME is about – safety, good neighbors, friends, school, church, and simplicity.  Until April 17, 1978.

It was 10:45pm when my father awoke to hail hitting the large plate glass windows in my parent’s bedroom.  Being in the claims area of the insurance industry,
he was keen on listening, examining and evaluating situations.  He went out onto the patio, which overlooked the lake, to access the situation.  There was no rain and not much wind, but a lot of hail was falling.

“I heard a dim roar in the distance…How long I stood there, I cannot say, but it was a matter of minutes….My thoughts changed from a towboat on the river to a freight train coming across the lake heading toward my house…to more like a dozen trains coming.” 

My father went back upstairs to wake up my mother to help her gather me and my siblings and get us downstairs.  Our home had an open floor plan on the first floor.  We were instructed to get on the floor, heads opposite of the lake, by the couch in the family room. This couch sat independent of any walls and across from the fireplace.  By this point, my father saids that the noise was “deafening” and he had the first thought that “we might have a tornado in progress”.

My father crossed the house in hopes of opening the front door to relieve pressure within the house. When he reached the door, it would not open.  The pressure outside from the tornado was building and the inside of the house was just too great for him to open.  He heard glass start to break and dove onto the floor covering my mom and my siblings who were still lying on the floor at the end of the couch.  From the time the first glass started to break until it was still and quiet, only 10 to 15 seconds had passed. 

“Then we felt the rain falling on us.”

My father raised his head to find nothing but rubble around us.  Our house had “exploded” and virtually disappeared around us.  He said he looked around, counted heads and found that we were all there, safe.  The neighbor’s house was partially standing with only the second floor gone.  The tornado literally came over the lake, landed on our house, crossed the street and went back up into the sky.

And us?  We found that another couch that was on the wall facing the front of the house was apparently lifted by the wind, thrown on top of my mom in an upside down position, leaned itself against the couch that we were all lain against.   This  formed a perfect little pocket of safety that protected our family from the brick  fireplace that came down directly into the middle of the house and on top of  the couch.  My father carried us all to my neighbor’s house after he lifted ever so slightly the couch from my mother’s foot, which was caught underneath.   The night ended with checking on the neighbors and calling a friend to come get us. Our friend could only get within a quarter of a mile of the house, due  to trees and rubble in the roads, so he made the short walk to our house and helped my dad load us up to go back to his house.

“Once he got you safety to his house, he returned and spent the night with me amidst my rubble.”

When everything was over and the sun rose on April 18^th, we found that our house consisted now of a slab, ¼ of a brick fire place,  and, strangely enough, a toilet from the downstairs bath.  I was quoted as saying something my father felt summed up the entire event as I was riding on our friend’s back:

“Mr. Jack, I’m glad we are on God’s team: had we been on the Devil’s team, we would be dead.”

I write this today to give you an insider’s look at living through total destruction, coming out of it with the blended heartache of losing everything, but finding out what is most important – we were alive and safe, just like before we went to bed that night.   It took months of inventorying and paperwork to rebuild our material belongings and in the midst of the tragedy, my father subsequently received a promotion which moved us to Meridian, MS.  From there, we built a new house.  But the best part was the new friendships, new streets to ride our bikes on, new places to create adventures and memories and the new community filled with great people that we became a part of – now, that is what HOME is made of.

I recently watched a gripping documentary on HBO, “Homeless: The Motel Kids of Orange County”. This is a raw look into the lives of families that are struggling every day to keep themselves safe and protected with shelter. Their shelter or “home” needs are very simple – a roof. Many of the characters have had instances where they did not even have that luxury.

I watched this documentary several weeks ago. I knew I wanted to write about it on this  blog, but I had to take some time to digest the information, quotes, hopes and sadness of the people. There are too many quotes, stories and thoughts for me to share from this documentary. Please take a minute to go to http://www.hbo.com/documentaries/homeless-the-motel-kids-of-orange-county/index.html#/documentaries/homeless-the-motel-kids-of-orange-county/synopsis.html and read the synopsis.

The majority of the story is very sad, but I want to highlight an amazing ray of hope shown in the film. The “light” in the film was seen at the Project Hope School. This is a place where the children can go to school, no matter where they “live” while being homeless. Many of us take for granted the ability to choose a school system. Many school aged homeless children never get the opportunity to experience a school system – they move around, sleep in parks, and change so much that they change schools as much as they change addresses. Obviously, this adds to the lack of community and ability to have a chance to succeed academically. The odds are already against them succeeding in life. I praise the people involved at Project Hope School and hope that every city can follow their lead.

As I thought about the parent(s), care giver(s) and children represented in this film, I contemplated their anger, their love and their resilience. It truly does not matter what got the families into these situations. What matters is that those children, our next generation, are in these situations. What do they need most of all? What makes a home a HOME? The main element is safety and security. This documentary shows something that for most is appalling – noise, crime, bed bugs. For those living it, they don’t have time to “sweat the small stuff”. They are fighting to provide their children with this elemental need of safety. This is the essence of Home – not a structure, nor decoration or color scheme. Although I LOVE to paint, move furniture around and find great deals on décor, I admit watching this show humbled my desires.

The National Alliance to end Homelessness published a report on January 11, 2011 titled, “State of Homelessness in America” . The information in the report was from data taken in 2009. As I read it, I wondered if these numbers may have even gone up a little in 2010 due to additional foreclosures and people running out of temporary housing that would be accounted for now. Here are some of the facts:

1. There are approximately 650,000 homeless people in the US (a 3% increase from 2008
2. Largest state increase = Louisiana (the true indication of what an oil spoil can do to real people)
3. Among subpopulations, the largest percentage increase was in the number of family households, which increased by over 3,200 households (4% increase from 2008). In MS, the homeless family percentage increased 260%.
4. It is widely agreed upon that there is a vast undercount of the number of young people experiencing homelessness. Underscoring this is the fact that 35 percent of all communities reported that there were no homeless youth in their communities in 2009.

To read the report, please visit http://www.endhomelessness.org/content/article/detail/3668.

What can we do? We can look into our own communities and see how we can help. I have enjoyed working with several “Hands On” (http://www.handsonnetwork.org/) in the various cities I have lived in. Homeless people live in every city, town and rural area of the United States. Find an organization that you like and get involved.

What is more wonderful than bringing your new “baby” home? For some of you, this translates into a sweet fur ball that gives lots of love and wet kisses. We have 3 dogs and a cat. If my children had their wishes, we would have a bird, fish, lizard, snails and anything else they find irresistible. Pets are so wonderful and those of us who are lucky enough to have them in our home are blessed.

The kind of BABY I want to focus on today is of the human sort! Our extended family
was blessed with a new addition on Saturday, April 23rd. My brother and sister
in law welcomed a perfect and beautiful bouncing baby boy into this wonderful
world!!!

The emotions surrounding the arrival of a child are second to none. Many plan
and work for months to get their home ready. It is fun for some to decorate and
create the perfect place for their new addition. The reality of the matter is
that all that sweet little bundle of joy needs is love, shelter and
nourishment. The best advice I have ever received as a parent is that it was my
job to keep my children SAFE. Shocking to me because for 10+ years I have been trying
to keep them entertained, happy, fulfilled, etc. The idea of safety being the
only true job as a parent was both astonishing and welcomed in my world.

Creating a safe home for our children does encompass multiple things. With a young
child, you do have to work harder on this with all the safety locks, etc. As they get older, your home changes from “defense” into “offense”.  You want them to know that this is the place for them to be who they are – their all inclusive safe place. Consequently, safety for children is really quite simple. They do not necessarily care about the decor, they want security and love.

From baby to toddler to pre-teen to young adult, our children need to know their
home as a fortress of unconditional love and acceptance. This is what makes a
home a HOME.

WELCOME HOME HENRY!!!!

M

Anyone who has ever had to move into a new home immediately realizes that things may not “fit”.  You bring belongings that are too little, too much or just plain wrong for the new place.  For those fortunate people who can, the adage “Out with the old, in with the new” is their motto.  For the rest of us, we “Make it Work!”.  Memories cannot make horrid paint colors go away, create needed space or force your traditional sectional into your new modern home.  YOU can, though.

When you move, there is always uncertainty.  The feelings involved with this uncertainty
can be related back to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, 5. Physiological, Safety, Love and Belonging, Esteem and Self Actulaization.  I think that must start from home.  It comes in your words thoughts and deeds.  I needed to make this new house
our HOME. Assuming that your home is somewhere safe and gives you shelter
(Physiological Needs), you can then move on to meeting the other basic
needs.  Some easy ways to start doing this in your new space are:
1. Organization – where do I put this? Use it, store it, and/or ditch it.  This is an essential step to creating harmony and safety in your home.
2. Storage – in your home or out.  Those things you want to keep, figure out the best place to store it.  Be creative, your items being store do not care where or how.
3. Furniture placement – deciding where to put things not only satisfies our
usage needs, but also creates the comfort and flow of our homes.  Remember, if it is not nailed down, you can always move it!  Make it work or go all out Feng Shui – make it HOME!
4. Color – whether it is in the walls, fabric, or accessories, color is a total
mood enhancer.  Check out this awesome article supporting the importance of color in decorating: http://www.invitinghome.com/Idias_Advice/Decorating_Colors_Effect.htm#1
5. Fabric – all furniture can be re-covered.  It is a matter of finding the right fabric and tackling the project (or letting someone do it for you)

All of these things can be done on a small budget – check out your local yard sales, look for the “oops, we mixed the wrong color” paint that hardware stores always have out, and be creative with what you have.  Shoe boxes, moving boxes, old shopping bags, baskets with broken handles, etc. are great choices to get your place looking great.

When we moved to VA last summer, I surveyed our new space, colors and usage options and made a plan. First things first – get rid of the horrible paint colors throughout the
house.  This was easy for me because I love to paint – instant gratification!
My new dining room was a combo of mustard and orange.   The previous renters referred to it as something you would see in an infant’s diaper.  I started painting the house.  The
painting went on from December until March.   It took a while, but was well worth it!
Even my daughter got involved, creating a fun time for us to share as well as letting her feel like a part of this transformation in our lives along with a lot of gratification.

As we grow and our circumstances change, we change.  One of my family members has had a sofa for approximately 25 years.  It has been re-covered with various fabrics over the years as well as the necessary “nip” or “tuck” to keep it comfy.  As I sat on that sofa this past Christmas, I thought of all of the memories it must hold. No matter what your decorating style or personal situation, you can always find something to hold onto to keep HOME in your heart and taking it wherever you go.

There are many types of “HOME”.  Size, shape, location and purpose are just a few of the variable that create the multitude of diverse “shelters” that people around the world call home. 

When I asked my Facebook friends this question, “What makes your home, HOME?”  I received many responses including:

• My children
• Being comfortable being me
• Dog beds by the fireplace
• The unconditional love of my human and furry family members
• My quilt, my PJs and family pictures
• Noise

One friend shared with me that each time they drive up to their family drives up to their home, they exclaim, “Home is where the heart is!”.

These responses reinforced the hypothesis that I had that a person’s home – no matter what that means to the person – is special.   You make your home and your home makes you.  We create homes that physically and emotionally give us comfort.  This idea of comfort is the cornerstone of homeless shelters as well.

The process of creating your comfort zone can range from simple layout to having a routine to incorporating Fung Sui throughout.  People who have to travel or move a lot usually create some type of process that brings comfort or the feeling of home with them as they transition from one place to another.  This may be a conscious or unconscious act. 

I hope to share my methods and learn from each of you the thing that you do to make your home, HOME.  Doing so is always a work in progress – you will never have enough time or money to do all of the tangible changes, but you can do a lot of thing to bring comfort to your home for very little expenditure.  Whether you prefer to do it yourself, shop bargains, or hire someone for these tangible results, the goal is of your actions are all the same.  To make your home, a HOME, you must determine what is important to you and implement action steps which reinforce those ideas.

Some people think of the place they live, others a place they grew up, while others think of it as a feeling they have when they visit a particular place or spend time with a group of family or friends. 

There are those that go straight to the usage of the word in sports – “Home base”; pass “home/Go” and collect $200”.  There is nothing like sliding into home, or playing the game at your home field.  These strong connotations for home tie back to “the familiar” or “place of origin” listed in the dictionary. 

There are many facets of this idea of “home”, from the traveler, to those affected by the recent economic downturn to those who are homeless.  Home is not just a dwelling for many, it is a feeling.

Making It Home is a concept that I have pondered a lot over the last 5 years as our family has moved 10 times to 8 different dwelling located in 3 different cities.  We have lived in old, new, large and TINY spaces.  We have lived together and apart – having spouses in different cities numerous times.  Our story of change is like many families these days – everyday people trying to accomplish their career goals with an emphasis on taking care of our family and simply making ends meet – going for what we thought was “our future” and losing it all, or so it seemed.

Throughout the past few years and all of the changes, I have learned the secret to surviving all of this is to bring forth what is truly important and focus on making that prevalent in your life.  For me, it was my family  – keeping us healthy and together.  No matter where you are in life, your purpose creates the path that you follow and you might as well make your steps, whether temporary or permanent, as comfortable, fun and safe as possible – MAKE IT HOME.